“I honestly never realized there was so much circular thinking surround-ing self-esteem issues! I was listening to this program to help someone else build their self-esteem and realized that I do many of the wrong things, YIKES!!

I started to really get into the pro-gram where it talks about what self-esteem means to different people.

The examples all sound really good until Kuhns points out that they are all goal oriented, meaning that if you don't get that reaction or reach that goal, you will feel like you have failed. This was very interesting.

Another fantastic part was when it explained emotions and what to do about them if they are eroding your self-esteem. I very much resonate with the idea that emotions will come and go but that I do have a say in the action I take after I experience an emotion.

It's that whole recognition thing that can happen before the reaction. That 2 second pause that you can take before the so called ‘dominoes fall’. It's so true and the bit after that about ‘letting it be’, is where the real power lies for me.

Maybe I can't eradicate all bad feel-ings but I can choose to not continue reacting to them and I can stop that chain reaction. It reminds me of that thing that happens when you wake up and stub your toe, or something like that, and then the rest of your day takes on that tone. Bad things seem to attract to you like a magnet!

You know you have had that happen. So, the program helped me really understand my part in that whole reaction process and how just that bit of observation and thought can really give you loads of control and relief. It feels great!

I also really like the bit about affirma-tions. I could never understand why someone would say something nice but that wasn't true. It always felt like lying or some strange delusional fantasy but now I finally get it! For me, affirmations were always like one of those hidden pictures that I would stare at forever and everyone could just walk up and see the hid-den image but me like that movie Mall Rats..."Dude, it's a sailboat."

Now I get it though, and now I see why those basketball players practice making the shots in their minds. It's all about programming your brain. I love computers so that really does make sense to me. Look here brain, you're getting an overhaul and we're going to build self-esteem into every process we can think of...LOL.

True story about one of my patients we’ll refer to as John…

He was referred to me by his psy-chologist when he was 26 years old. He went to the psychologist because he had no self worth.

The psychologist suggested that he find a career—he was a high school graduate. Somehow he and the psy-chologist decided that if he were to become a machinist—something he admired, he'd feel better about him-self and have self esteem help.

He was in a catch 22 situation in that he needed to take a course and pass a test in order to get over low self worth. He understood the mate-rial but when it came to taking the test, he was all nerves and failed it.

Instead of him feeling better about himself, he felt like a failure. His psy-chologist sent me to me so he could relax and pass the test.

Instead of him feeling better about himself, he felt like a failure. His psy-chologist sent me to me so he could relax and pass the test.

The psychologist's approach was the typical, "accomplish something, ac-quire something," and you'll get over low self worth. Yes, it's the approach used nearly 100% of all programs for overcoming low self worth that I've seen. You are supposed to be able to overcome low self worth by getting better at something.

Unfortunately, this is a "catch 22" approach--a set-up for failure. I'm not saying that everyone who uses this approach fails to accomplish the goal of acquiring a skill or educa-tional level, but this approach is not how build true self worth. It's a set up for failure. Overcoming low self worth with this approach is a myth.

Look around you. Most of your friends, family, and acquaintances have been building self worth based on their accomplishments and acqui-sitions.

It was indeed a challenge getting John out of his failure path of having no self worth. More so because the psychologist set him up for failure--the psychologist actually set the path for him to stay stuck with low self worth.

Eventually he got his act together but it wasn't by becoming a machinist although he did graduate with flying colors. He learned how to build and improve self worth by learning to deal successfully with life's chal-lenges and to like himself in the face of disappointment.